You're a Chicken!
by SalemProphet
Summary: Oneshot Sasuke is faced with a horrible revelation. One of those crummy, yet mildly funny fillertype things. Rated for cursing. PreTimeskip.


Naruto (c) Masashi Kishimoto and Company.

Sasuke is faced with a horrible revelation.

* * *

Sasuke watched impassively as Naruto charged the chicken, murderous intent gleaming in his sky blue eyes.

"Get back here you!!" the blond shinobi screamed, kunai in hand. Team Seven had been commissioned to aide an elderly farmer while his son was on his honeymoon.

The sun has just reached its zenith, and the heat was blistering. Sweat rolled down Sasuke's neck, even though it was Naruto that was doing most of the work while the Uchiha leaned against a barn wall, well into the shade.

Sakura was off somewhere, trying-in vain-to bring a mare and its offspring back into the barn. Sasuke oh so helpfully offered to keep the door open. Naruto had been charged with the simple task of egg-gathering, but as we all know, Naruto ALWAYS found some way to screw simple missions up. Case in point: two hours ago, when he set the barn on fire while fetching hay for the cows.

Now, the dobe had _accidentally_ left the door to the coop open while he was going in, giving a particularly mischievous rooster the perfect opportunity to run out and generally make a fool out of the self-proclaimed sixth Hokage._ Like he wasn't a fool before_.

The orange-clad ninja made a running leap for the wayward cock and pounced on it. Unfortunately, the rooster was too quick for him.

"Damn, Sasuke!" Naruto cursed, waving a fist in the direction of the running chicken.

"...What?" Sasuke drawled from his position against a wall in desperate need of a fresh coat of paint. _Onyx perhaps? Why not the color onyx?What the damn is wrong with farmers? That red is chafing my shoulder._

"Teme!" Naruto shouted again, holding up the rooster he had somehow caught in the two minutes Sasuke had been in La-La Land. "I finally beat you, Sasuke!"

"_What_?" Sasuke snapped irritably, striding quickly over to his teammate.

"I caught you Sasuke!" Naruto whirled around, his fingers tightly coiled around a pale yellow leg. "Hah, I bet you couldn't've caught 'im," he bragged, holding up the rooster like a trophy.

"It's just a chicken," Sasuke shot back, crossing his arms arrogantly across his chest.

"Yeah, but Sasuke's a fast little bitch so--"

"Wait," the dark-haired heeartthrob interrupted. "Did you just _compliment _me?" Can someone scream 'the apocalypse is coming' or what?

"HELL NO!" Naruto denied, shaking the chicken in Sasuke's face. "I'm talking about the _chicken_, duh!"

Sasuke looked at Naruto like he just pooted green flames. "You...named that..._chicken_...after me?"

"Yup!" Naruto chirruped cheerfully, smiling hard enough to force his eyes in a strange squinty arc. Sasuke still wondered how cheerful people like Naruto and Kakashi managed to see out of those things. _It wasn't possible!_

"...Why?"

Naruto rolled his eyes as if the answer to Sasuke's question was as obvious as 'is ramen good for the SOUL'? (Answer: duh.)

"Because of the hair!" he supplied when he saw that the Uchiha PRODIGY didn't quite get it. He held up the very limp chicken (someone call Animal Abuse!) right side up next to Sasuke's head and nodded. "Yep, a perfect match," he said like a doctor proclaiming his patient AIDS positive. And let me tell you, a shinobi with AIDS is a bad thing. Or funny. What's funnier than holding the fifth Hokage hostage with fear of 1) blood and 2) deadly diseases?

"I look _nothing_ like a chicken!" Sasuke declared, scowling at the knuckle head ninja.

"Yeah, you kinda do."

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you_ doooo_," Naruto cooed, waggling the chicken in front of him.

"...Nu-uh!"

"Uh-huh!

"Nu-uh!"

"YEAH-HUH!"

"**NU-UH**-"

POOF.

Kakashi poofed in, wisps of smoke clinging on his ankles. "Yo! I see everything is going well." He paused then to survey the area, taking note of the charred barn, the water damaged plow, and the ominous absence of a certain pink-haired kunoichi. "Maybe _not _so well..." Turning back to the pair before him, he finally noticed the dead or otherwise _really _unconscious chicken in Naruto's grubby paws. "Awe, what happened to little Sasuke?"

"**YAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG**!"


End file.
